


Is it weird...?

by NateTheWolf



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Ashildrhasquestions, Established Bisexual character, Its3am, LGBTQ Themes, Pleasereadnotesattheend, Ugh, mentions of Gender Dysmorphia, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 05:10:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18046115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NateTheWolf/pseuds/NateTheWolf
Summary: Ashildr questions Clara on something that she has experience with because of her students, but can't figure out how to help.





	Is it weird...?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a VENT fic like my usual 2-3am ones.
> 
> Please read notes at the end.
> 
> Also I hope I haven't offended anyone...

“Is it weird that I sometimes refer to myself as male?”  Ashildr asked as she put her book down, looking at Clara leaning over the console. “I remember – or rather read in my journals – that once my Mum was complaining about something that me and my Dad were like and my initial thought was ‘it must be a guy thing’ but once I realized I had thought it I was really confused of why I had thought that. Do you ever get moments like that?”

Clara looked up from the console and to her companion. “No, can’t say I have,” she smiled sympathetically at her when she saw the disappointed, and slowly sat down next to her. “Although, that explains why you were against me saying ‘ladies first’ when going into the shop the other day. How often do you have thoughts like that?”

“I haven’t had them for a long time, but now I’m confused,” she creased her brows, seemingly frustrated. “I hate not knowing things.”

“Well,” Clara started, unsure of how to phrase it. “Do you ever physically feel like you should be male, or feel uncomfortable being female?”

Ashildr thought for a moment, “Not that I know of. Why?”

“I was just wondering if you had any gender dysmorphia,” she smiled. “There were a few students that confided in me about sexualities and stuff since I was the only open Bisexual. Although I’m still convinced that Adrian is gay...”

“What’s gender dysmorphia?”

“It’s uh, when you don’t feel comfortable being the sex you were born as,” Clara sighed. “It’s usually what happens with transgender or non-binary people from what I know, but I’m no expert, so please don’t take my word for it.”

“Whose word can I take then?”  Ashildr cocked her head to the side, her book officially abandoned on the empty seat next to her.

“Try the library, there should be something on Earth and the LGBT+, you might find the answers there,” she smiled at her. “Sorry I can’t be much help with this but I will be on board with whatever you figure out, okay?”

“Okay, thanks Clara,”  Ashildr smiled. It was rather frustrating that she couldn’t get any answers now, but the library was a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, parts of this is what Ashildr is definitely going through and there's going to be more added because I couldn't find a way for it to work with her character.
> 
>  
> 
> I've posted this on Tumblr:
> 
> Is it weird that I sometimes refer to myself as male almost automatically when I’m not? My mum said something that me and my dad do and I went to say ‘it must be a guy thing’ but stopped myself and was like 'what??’. And once when my ex-girlfriend said 'ladies first’ when we were going into a comic shop and I immediately stepped back and said 'excuse me?’ but was in a playful way and she said 'men first’ and I stepped forward grinning. Like, I know that was most likely a joke with us, but sometimes I do feel weird being called 'she’ or by my actual name - I think that part is mainly 'cause I barely use my actual name - but I know I’d feel weird being called 'he’ as well. I just don’t know whether it’s just a society/get back at my mum thing or an actual thing that’s going on in my head. Because of my tomboy-ish nature(??) there was an ongoing joke in my family my whole life about me 'should have been born a boy’, and up to the point my Nan even thought I was trans. I don’t believe I’m trans, out of anything possibly non-binary, but I’m very unsure and to be honest, just try to push those thoughts away 'cause I know my family will not understand that or like it - parents are just about accepting of the whole lesbian thing and I know they don’t like transgenders/non-binary’s.
> 
> There's probably a load more stuff but that's the main thing that's going on in my head and I'm too tired to explain further. If anyone can comment on why I do this or have questions or for some reason wanna try to befriend a disaster like me, then yeah, please do so because I don't have anything on Tumblr.


End file.
